Monday, May 12, 2008

Baby Names

*Note: this rant is to defend myself against the barrage of "did you name him Sawyer after Sawyer on 'Lost'?" questions. Two of which I got this weekend.

It is unabashedly, UNabashedly (that means withOUT abashedment) that I tell people I knew what I would name my first son when I was 11 years old. The moment is still so clear to me - my parents' basement, a flickering television and in walks Dylan McKay - the hottest rebel West Beverly had ever seen. Swoonville. He may have sometimes walked like he had crapped in his pants and drove a car that looked like a dung beetle and he would growl "Brenda" like it was a sexy name - which it so it not, but he made it sexy - and I thought "I am naming my first son Dylan," and I did. Thank God I didn't like Steve Sanders.

Sawyer is named after a character on "Santa Barbara", a trashy soap opera that trumps "Days of Our Lives" on the crazy factor. Sawyer and his sister, Sydney, were upper-crust ass kissers who never did anything wrong - except get possessed by the devil, drink and drive and a multitude of other soapy sins. I TELL people he was named after Tom Sawyer, but that's a bunch of crap. So if you hear me say that, snort merrily to yourself because I am a liar and I admit it. But before you judge - guess who else was a "Santa Barbara" fan? POSH SPICE. Another character on the show was named Cruz - her 3rd child's name. I claim SB Trendsetter status since my child is older than her's. That Posh....always copying me.

If we ever have another boy, I already have his named picked out. It's Logan. Yuk it up people. You're jealous. I know you're thinking, "Wow....Logan. That's pretty sweet." You bet it is. You wanna know where I got it? THE EFF'G BABYSITTERS CLUB. Oh yeah - Mary Anne Spier's boyfriend. You remember Mary Anne - the mousy, prude one who someone ended up with a boyfriend even while sporting a long ass braid a la 'Big Love'. Logan was just so damn understanding and nice towards Mary Anne and all of her hang ups. So nice. Unconditionally nice. TOO nice. So nice that even as an eight year old reading those books, I was thinking, "Logan is gay, yo." But I dug that gay middleschooler's name.

I think I'm going to print this vent out and just carry it around with me and show it to morons that say "is he named after Sawyer from Lost?" and I can scream, "no, Miss Nosy Pants in the Produce Aisle! They are named for some sideburn-loving, rich brat from Beverly Hills, a doomed transsexual on a soap opera and a babysitter's in-the-closet boyfriend! Now move away from the zucchini!"

2 comments:

Lisa Sinclair said...

HAHAHAH! I SO was thinking Logan from Baby Sitter's Club when you first mentioned that name. Amazing.

Jackson/Addison said...

I totally know what you mean, everyone thinks I named Addison after the character on Grey's Anatomy. It is annoying because I had her name picked out long before the show ever aired. But I must admit that Jackson is named after Julia Roberts husband in Steel Magnolias, but don't tell Jeremy.