Mommy on the Dance Floor! (Dock Review- Part Deux)

So, after Brie's amazing review of the Dock I had to see what it was all about. Seth and I planned a date out with our friends Amanda and Jude. If you can imagine me drunk and dancing, multiple that by 50 and that's Amanda (but a much better dancer). I prepped all week with my Jergens Body Glow and donned my low-rise jeans and contacts for the evening. Woohooo, fun times, here we come. We went to dinner at Emilios just to make sure we loaded up on carbs. By 9:50 all the cougars had left the bar and headed over to the Dock. We asked a fellow diner who looked 'in the know' what the deal was with the Dock. He admitted it "used to be cool, but was now filled with all the Lansdown ghetto". Hmmm, Lansdown ghetto? Who knew of such a thing?? Regardless, this sounds like our speed! Amanda and I chugged our wine (I'm already drunk at this point) and we race over.



We arrive and I quickly survey the scene:

Men's Attire: Anything from a Sean Paul t-shirt & K-Swiss high tops to 3 piece suit
Women's Attire: Jean's and a $10 top from Marshalls
Dancefloor: Empty

Seth comments: This lighting is better then what we had at our wedding! (Considering we had no lighting that is pretty impressive).
Jude: What would you guys like to drink?
Girls: Well, we need to get this party started. A shot of so-co & lime

3 mintues later....

Amanda states that if we have another shot we will totally start the dance party. Jude, clearly excited that Amanda will not only be drunk in 5 minutes but that we will make complete fools of ourselves, arrives back with 2 more shots... "and a little extra from the bartender".

1 minute later....

Amanda and I are getting jiggy to The Thong Song on an empty dance floor and people are so impressed with our skills that they join us. The rest of the night unfolded piece by piece... Amanda requesting the DJ give a "Happy Birthday shout out to Seth Sinclair". Me trying to dance the Soldja Boy barefoot (I have no idea how to do it, but I thought I could keep up with the four black dudes on center stage). Us wiping our sweat mustaches about 20 times.... By the way we were dancing Amanda and I must have had "Ashburn Swingers" tattooed all over our sweaty body. At one point we were approached by a girl who claims we were "the best dancers in the place" and wanted to join us b/c her "boyfriend doesn't dance" (who later joins her on the dance floor for dry sex). Amanda slaps her ass and she is loving it. My legs burned worse then 10 reps with Suzzane Summer's Thigh Master as I squat around Seth to "Get Low". He's 'throwing dice' all around me and I'm loving it. At that point we were getting the 'eye' from some fellow ladies. Whatever, its my night out and I'm living it up.

By 12:45 the DJ had replayed two songs so we decided to call it a night. Not to mention I was so drunk I didn't mind that Amanda was stepping on my toes with her 4 inch heels. Getting in to the car I felt a strange familiarity... the last time I felt this sick we were racing to the hospital to have Ben. Ugghhh, that's right. I have a son and I have to go home drunk and face the in-laws. How embarrassing. Seth tells me to hold it together but instead I roll down all the windows allowing fresh pollen to stream into his just vacuumed car. And here I am now... one Chipotle burrito deep and still feeling crappy.

Moral of the story... invite me out whenever you go dancing and I will be sure to make a fool of myself. My overall rating: A, if you're drunk... B for sober people watching.

The Dock: A Review

As I walk (stumble) into the Dock after having 2 (6) drinks at Clyde's - I was immediately overcome by the amount of (badly dressed wannabe MILFs) people. This place was rockin'! As the DJ spun some killer tunes, I met up with my friends only to find they had become acquainted with (were accosted by) some gentlemen (who dressed like they are E on "Entourage" but like 38). What did I care, as they bought me a drink? Booyah! We decided to make our way to the dance floor when I, being the politely trained gal that I am, bumped into a tall gentlemen and said (slurred), "excuse me". His immediate response (no lie): "I don't date white chicks." My super offended, racially relevant comeback was - "You and I are gonna dance to some Bell Biv Devoe later - just you wait!" (note: I am an ASS while drinking and find myself hillllllllllllarious).

The tunes ranged from the Bee Gees (kinda fun) to Souljaboy (shoot me) to Justin Timberlake (I was basically having intercourse with the dance floor on those). All of my friends got asked to dance over and over again (probably because they are good dancers and, like I mentioned, I was dry humping the tiles during "Sexy Back" by myself). But then it happened. I hear, "would you dance with me?" and I look up from my chair and there is a 4 foot tall Bermudan (Bermudian? Bahamian?). I think, "shit" and, due to peer pressure, dance with this garden gnome who has decided 'our song' is Shaggy's "Mr. Lava Lava" (I thought of you, Mols!). As I swing my arms around and swig my beer like the very white gal that I am, he proceeds to prance around me as if we are actually performing an Indian Rain Dance. After the song ended, he whispers (screams) into my ear, "I give you my number" and I say, "Oh, wow, you're nice and the dance was fun, but...oh this is awkward......" and that was officially the first time I've ever broken up with someone in my life.

Overall rating: A!!! We're all going! Get out your dancing shoes, beer goggles and people watching binocs! You were all missed! xo, Brie