Hut 1, Hut 2- HIKE!

Is it a problem that my son prefers to be carried around like this??


It makes going out in public quite humiliating since I look like I'm carrying a sack of potatoes around (typically I am not smiling as I am in this photo though).

Baby Names

*Note: this rant is to defend myself against the barrage of "did you name him Sawyer after Sawyer on 'Lost'?" questions. Two of which I got this weekend.

It is unabashedly, UNabashedly (that means withOUT abashedment) that I tell people I knew what I would name my first son when I was 11 years old. The moment is still so clear to me - my parents' basement, a flickering television and in walks Dylan McKay - the hottest rebel West Beverly had ever seen. Swoonville. He may have sometimes walked like he had crapped in his pants and drove a car that looked like a dung beetle and he would growl "Brenda" like it was a sexy name - which it so it not, but he made it sexy - and I thought "I am naming my first son Dylan," and I did. Thank God I didn't like Steve Sanders.

Sawyer is named after a character on "Santa Barbara", a trashy soap opera that trumps "Days of Our Lives" on the crazy factor. Sawyer and his sister, Sydney, were upper-crust ass kissers who never did anything wrong - except get possessed by the devil, drink and drive and a multitude of other soapy sins. I TELL people he was named after Tom Sawyer, but that's a bunch of crap. So if you hear me say that, snort merrily to yourself because I am a liar and I admit it. But before you judge - guess who else was a "Santa Barbara" fan? POSH SPICE. Another character on the show was named Cruz - her 3rd child's name. I claim SB Trendsetter status since my child is older than her's. That Posh....always copying me.

If we ever have another boy, I already have his named picked out. It's Logan. Yuk it up people. You're jealous. I know you're thinking, "Wow....Logan. That's pretty sweet." You bet it is. You wanna know where I got it? THE EFF'G BABYSITTERS CLUB. Oh yeah - Mary Anne Spier's boyfriend. You remember Mary Anne - the mousy, prude one who someone ended up with a boyfriend even while sporting a long ass braid a la 'Big Love'. Logan was just so damn understanding and nice towards Mary Anne and all of her hang ups. So nice. Unconditionally nice. TOO nice. So nice that even as an eight year old reading those books, I was thinking, "Logan is gay, yo." But I dug that gay middleschooler's name.

I think I'm going to print this vent out and just carry it around with me and show it to morons that say "is he named after Sawyer from Lost?" and I can scream, "no, Miss Nosy Pants in the Produce Aisle! They are named for some sideburn-loving, rich brat from Beverly Hills, a doomed transsexual on a soap opera and a babysitter's in-the-closet boyfriend! Now move away from the zucchini!"

Ooops I crapped my pants!

Ben shit his pants (literally) while we were shopping in Wegmans.

Nuff said! (Btw, what is up with his Elvis lip curl in this shot?!)

Addie's bad day

I put Addison down to bed on Wednesday and she was sleeping fine until about 12:30am when she woke up because her feet were stuck in her crib (at least that is what I thought). So I go into her room and push them back through the bars, but she is still crying at that point. So I picked her up and she fell right back asleep. Then after holding her for a few seconds, I put her back down in the crib, she started crying again. This went on for 10 mins, I would pick her up she would be fine, then I would put her down she would cry. So finally I decided (since I was so exhausted) to just bring her into bed with me. We walk back to my bedroom where I guess Jeremy thought I was never coming back because he now looks like a starfish on the bed. I finally wake him up and make him get on his own side only to discover that making him move makes him snore louder. Addison and I are laying beside him and she is fast asleep and Jeremy is fast asleep and I am pissed off because I have to listen to him snore and hold her in my arms. After about 45 mins I poke Jeremy and tell him to go downstairs and sleep on the couch so that I can put Addison down. He grumbles and makes his way to the door. I put Addison on Jeremy's side of the bed only to have to her start crying because I put her down. I grab her hand and hold it and she returns to the deep sleep (I just found out that she has a double ear infection so that explains why she was so clingy to me). After about another 45 mins Jeremy comes back upstairs and tells me he can't sleep on the couch because it is to uncomfortable (mind you, he woke me and Addison from a dead sleep). So he crawls back into bed and proceeds to snore. Addison starts to suck on her thumb to get back to sleep but because her nose is so stuffy she can only suck for a couple seconds and then breath really heavily out of her mouth. I think to myself "hey I should clean her nose out and then she will get back to sleep". At this point it is 3am and I am thinking I will never get back to sleep before I have to go to work. So I stumble downstairs with her in my arms and lay her down on the couch and go find the saline drops and the nasal aspirator. I finally find it and proceed to squirt it up her nose, as she gasps for air and her eyes almost pop out of her head, a huge snot string comes out and she can breath out of one side now. I repeat on the other side. I am to tired to go back upstairs at this point so I just put a blanket over her legs and then I lay down on my stomach on the floor with some pillows and a blanket and drift off into sleep. That is when it happens, "THUMP...WAAAAAA!!!!". Addison, who has never rolled all the way over, rolls off the couch and onto my back. So I am laying on my stomach and she is crying on my back and I can't figure out how I am going to get her off without her falling on the floor. Finally I manage to pull my shoulder out of the socket and grab her and pull her to safety. Then we lay on the floor together and fall back asleep, but only for a couple hours until I hear my alarm go off upstairs at 5:15am. Anyway, the moral to the story is, just because you are super exhausted don't forget to follow the safety guides for children. Oh and kill your snoring husbands!!!!

Wahoos Suck!

Brian's mom is always saying "wahoowaa" or whatever that stupid UVA cheer is to Larlyn. Brian's sister went to UVA and I guess she would like to see her grandchildren go there too...fat chance. I told JD about it and he got pissed (shocking, right?)

Last week Larlyn, McKinley and I spent the entire day with JD going downtown to visit my dad for bring your kids to work day. It shouldn't have taken the entire day, but that's DC traffic for you. We were bored in the car, so we kept telling Larlyn that wahoowaa is yucky.

On Sunday we had dinner at Brian's mom's house. Tara and her new boyfriend were there, which is rare since Tara lives in Colorado. Brian's mom said" wahoowaa" at dinner and Larlyn said "that's yucky". Brian and I were so proud! She tried again and Larlyn gave her a dirty look. On her third try, my daughter Larlyn, a snot nose bitch, replied "that's yucky poo...hokies!!".


Apparently our anti-UVA tactics had worked beautifully and perfect timing too since the guest of honor (Tara) was there. The moral of the story is, don't do things to intentionally piss off a mom it won't work and could embarrass you.

Now I need to figure out what to do about the reoccurring comment that McKinley looks identical to Tara when she was a baby. It would be too obvious if I took my baby photos over to share and point out how terribly wrong she is. This one may be trickier, but I'm sure I will have yet another story to share about this.

Running Late

Okay, lets face it. I'm not winning mommy of the year here. Today was Ben's 2nd swim lesson at Ida Lee. Being that he woke up a little early from his nap I figured I'd hit up Target beforehand to get some diapers.

I get in Target, and well, I have 10 minutes so I figure I'd look for a box for Ben's toys. I see one that is cute, then another. What the hell, I'd buy all three and return what I didn't like. I did not have time to dilly dally!! I'm heading to the diapers and.... Oooooh- are those shoes on sale? Cutie!!! I pick myself up a pair (after trying on three). Okay, this is out of control, I'm going to be late. 20 minutes and $90 later I check out. Swim lesson in 2 minutes- no problem. I arrive at Ida Lee 5 minutes after his lessons starts... Sweet- front row parking! I get out, grab Ben and get him ready for his lesson. I pop the tailgate and quickly change him into his swim diaper and throw him in his suit. I learned the hard way last week that I needed a stroller (trying to change out of a wet suit with a tired baby dangling from my neck was not the way to go). Where is his damn shirt?? Fk it, we're 10 minutes late. I grab the stroller and shuffle up to the front door with Ben in my arms. I tried to wrap the towel around him but it is caught on my stroller wheel. Whatever.... I expected sunny and 80 degress. Wtf? Its 40 degrees out here and I have my son in a diaper and nothing else, as my bag is weighing the stroller down, tipping it over. Towel is dragging on the ground now. Ugh... I'm getting the 'eye' from fellow mommies who actually care about their children's health. HELLO! I spent $32 on these lessons, I've already thrown away $5 by being late!

I arrive at the pool finally, all the other moms are happily playing. Not that I have time to spare, but I grab my my camera and waterproof case and hop in the pool. I'm like a reporter here folks- I need good material for Ben's blog! I can't miss this opportunity. Ben's lesson goes by smoothly, all the while I'm trying to get shots of him in the pool (holding a wet baby in one arm, with the camera outstretched in the other doesn't really work). Ben is gasping for air while the camera strap is wrung around my neck. Thankfully none of those shots came out.

Swim lesson is finally over- awww, and Ben was having so much fun!! I say goodbye to his only friend in the class (Owen, where are you?!?) "Bye bye Brady, bye Gretchen". Shit, was her name Gretchen? Oh well! I throw Ben in a towel and head out to the car. No time to spare in this mold feeding germ pool. We get outside. Lovely, raining. Poor Ben, shivering and cold. Learning my lessons again from last week I decide to change him in the car. I take off his swim diaper and... um... where are his diapers? Thankfully I had just bought a case at Target. I rip it open, all the while Ben is turning blue. I look behind me- someone is waiting for my primo spot. "Go around lady!" Geez, the NERVE of these people!! I haul ass outta there and I'm just thankful Ben is nice and warm in his dirty PJs that he wore over.

Driving down route 7 I see a McDonalds. Ooooh, YUM! French fries! And then I remember... I never fed Ben! Uh oh. Being that I forgot to feed him last week after swim lessons (oops) I decide to pull in and make him a bottle so he doesn't associate swimming with starving. Here I am standing out in the cold in a towel and a speedo in McDonalds parking lot, getting lots of stares. I make his bottle, and OOOPS! I spill some formula in the back of the car as I'm pouring it in the bottle. That will piss Seth off. Hmmm, I hope this doesn't poison Ben!! Long story short, always give yourself 10 minutes longer then you think you need!